Havoc at Hogwarts
by Marissa Ann
Summary: The goddess of discord teams up with our favorite villian and drives hogwarts up the wall! not an OC story. R/R!!!!!
1. Controlling Fate

A/N: Hola! This fic is a mythology/Harry potter crossover type thing. Don't freak out. It's not an OC. I know how you all hate those. Well, anyway, tell me if I messed up on something, fact-wise or whatever. Please read and Review!!!! Remember, reviews are like chocolate!  
  
Havoc at Hogwarts  
  
"I have something you want," said a woman from the shadows. The three hags whom she addressed looked toward her. Two of them raised a thread without looking away.  
  
"And what might that be?" asked the third as she brought a pair of menacing and spindly scissors up to it. Quickly, she snapped them shut and the thread split. The ends curled as a high pitched scream echoed throughout the cave-like building. The woman from the shadows shuddered. Hardly anyone dared to mess with the Fates. Even a goddess.  
  
"Youth and freedom."  
  
"Oh?" they were interested, now.  
  
"Yes. I have a proposition for you. I make you look beautiful and young for a year, and you let me handle fate for that time." Eris stepped out of the shadows waiting for an answer. Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos had gone into a huddle for discussion. A few minutes later, Atropos, the one who had spoken first, had both the legendary tooth and eye and walked toward Eris.  
  
"We must still be able to watch what you are doing."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"We will have control to decide when you have had enough."  
  
"Well.er.fine. Yes."  
  
"You may not change anything long-term that has already begun."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"You may not change any previously set fate."  
  
"Yeah, fine," Eris said exasperated.  
  
"We accept. We offer the tooth and the eye. If they are lost, the deal is done." A contract appeared in Clotho's hand as she and Lachesis joined their sister. Their wobbly signatures were already on it. A quill materialized next to the paper and Eris slowly signed.  
  
The three fates grew taller, their legs became slender and long. Sparse hair sprouted from old scalps and developed into long and thick manes. Gray, wrinkled skin smoothed and lightened, losing a centuries worth of age and dirt. They melted defiantly through the floor with devilish smiles on their faces.  
* * * *  
  
"The three Fates control the lives of all mortals. Their names are Clotho, The weaver, Lachesis, the measurer, and Atropos, the cutter. These old hags exist in the world of gods and goddesses, manipulating us through our major decisions." Professor Binns droned on as the class sunk into a stupor. Even Hermione, usually so attentive, was losing control of her eyelids and lay her head on the desk and fell asleep.  
  
"Aww, she's so cute when she sleeps," Ron wrote to Harry and the corner of his parchment.  
  
"She was up half the night, studying about who-knows-what," Harry scribbled. He pulled out a book on reading the stars and started to do the homework from the night before. It was an essay for divination about stories behind constellations and how they affect the prophecies read. Ron looked over and saw what Harry was doing. A look of horror crossed his face and he tugged a piece of parchment from his bag. Both started to steadily do their homework and just as they were finishing, Professor Binns had cleared his throat.  
  
"Perkins, Watson and Gorum! Why are you not paying attention? Homework from another class? Sleeping? I am outraged. Detention for all three of you," Professor Binns said. Even when he was trying to scold, he was monotonous. It was hard to tell whether he was mad or bored. Nonetheless, they had detention tonight.  
  
"Peachy."  
  
* * * *  
  
"But Tommy, how am I supposed to get inside Hogwarts?"  
  
"Don't call me that!" Voldemort said, embarrassed.  
  
"Hey! I can call you whatever I like!" Eris's voice was drenched with  
poison. "I am key in this whole shenanigan, you know."  
  
"You caused the Trojan war! Can't you think of a way to get into  
Hogwarts?"  
  
"That's it! I can pretend to be a student!" Eris exclaimed.  
  
"Dumbledore doesn't accept exchange students," Voldemort reminded her  
icily.  
  
"That's okay, I have another idea," She replied with a grin.  
  
A/N: dun dun DUN!!!!!!! So, a few questions for you to ponder. Who is  
this Eris chick? Why does she want to get into Hogwarts? How is she even  
going to do it? Don't worry. There is more Hogwarts and less stuff you  
don't care about in the rest of the story. I just needed to explain  
situations and stuff. Please give me at least five reviews before I post  
the next chapter. 


	2. It's okay, I'm a helicopter

A/N: Wow! One review. I am bored, so I will put up the next chapter anyway, but please review. I am saddened when no one says anything. In the last chapter I forgot a disclaimer so here it is. Enjoy chapter the second!  
  
Disclaimer: *Unrolls huge J.K. Rowling banner*  
  
Havoc at Hogwarts  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione were running along the corridor, trying to get to their detention on time.  
  
"Binns just had to make it on the floor we don't have classes in," Ron exclaimed.  
  
"I didn't even know we had a south tower," Harry gasped.  
  
"I can't wait until you read Hogwarts, a History," Hermione grumbled as they passed the same portrait for the third time.  
  
"Why would we bother when we have you?" Ron smirked.  
  
"Haven't we passed this portrait before?" Harry interrupted to prevent a squabble.  
  
"Yes, I believe you have. It was quite amusing actually. Did you say you needed to go to the south tower? I can help you," a clear voice rang out.  
  
"Yeah," said Ron cautiously. "Where are you?"  
  
"Over to your left a bit," she replied. Eris smiled to herself. Everything was going according to plan.  
  
They turned to see a girl about their age with long, flowing, jet black hair and pale skin. In the portrait, she was sitting on a bench in a silky loose toga. A basket of fruit was next to her. Perched on top of the basket was a golden apple. Only Hermione noticed this particular detail.  
  
"Press your hands to the bottom of the painting and I will pull you through," Eris explained. Harry went up to her first and pushed his hands against the canvas. She reached down, grabbed his hands and tugged him up. The image rippled like water as it took him in. Ron and Hermione warily followed suit.  
  
"Okay, keep your voices hushed and don't fall behind. South tower?" She inquired. They nodded and were off.  
  
Eris ran quickly stopping a few times to untangle the cloth wrapped around her while the others caught up. Flashes of classrooms moved by and they even saw McGonagall do a double take from her office. Sir Codagan held them up for a few seconds threatening to spear them through. All Eris had to do was pin him down and steal his sword before he let them pass by. Finally, she stopped in an oil of a field filled with grazing cows.  
  
"Did you hear about that mad cow disease?" Hermione asked to a random cow.  
  
"Yes, but its okay, because I'm a helicopter," the cow replied simply. Ron looked baffled.  
  
"Are we here?" Harry asked, catching his breath.  
  
"Yes. Now to get out you jump."  
  
"Jump?"  
  
"Yes. On the count of three I'll jump with you. I won't go through, but you will. One, Two, Three!" They jumped and to their surprise, Eris came out with them. They landed in a heap on the floor. Hermione was picking herself up when Eris let out a terrified scream. (Not actually terrified, but very convincing.)  
  
"I'm hardly wearing anything!" She screamed as she tried to cover herself with more cloth. Hermione rolled her eyes and tossed her cloak over.  
  
"What's going on? I thought you said you were a painting?" Ron panted.  
  
"I thought I was! I was banished but I guess I must have been released!" Eris looked confused. "Oh! I get it now."  
  
"What? Clue us in, will you?" Ron had finally stood up and was calming himself down.  
  
"I pulled a big prank a long time ago and I was exiled to a painting. I had to do a thousand good things to make up for my bad behavior and you must have been my thousandth," Eris clarified.  
  
"Well, no offense or anything, but we're already late for our detention," Hermione chided.  
  
"Yes! Yes, I'm so sorry. I guess I'll be seeing you around then. I'm Eris, by the way. Nice to meet you. . .?"She questioned.  
  
"Harry."  
  
"Hermione."  
  
"Ron," they trilled.  
  
"Off you go then. Have a nice day," Eris called while she walked down the hallway. When the trio was out of sight, she morphed her clothes into a student's robes. She made her way to Dumbledore's office to tell the sorting hat to put her in Gryffindor. * * *  
  
"She was slightly weird, wasn't she?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yeah, I know. That whole popping out of a drawing thing bothered me," Ron proclaimed.  
  
"I've heard of her before. I don't know where, but she is definitely in a book somewhere. Even her looks remind me of something," Hermione voiced. They sat down and Professor Binns gave them the evil eye for being late.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Well, I did it, Tommy. I'm in Hogwarts and in Gryffindor. Now when can I start having fun?"  
  
"Gain their trust first, and then you may do whatever you like," Voldemort responded, frustrated. This girl was being far more of a nuisance than he thought. But he should have expected no less from the goddess of discord.  
  
* * * *  
  
A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed that. I had fun writing it, even if nothing really happened. More will happen in the next chapter. Don't worry. Any ideas for pranks would be greatly appreciated! By the way, is this confusing? I don't know if it is or not and I don't want people to be baffled by the story. Also, is it boring? Constructive criticism only please! All flames go directly to my non working fireplace! Review now? Yes, please and thank you. Have a nice day! 


	3. One leg is both the same

A/N: Thank you for all 6 of my reviews! To get it out of the way, my friend co-wrote a few of the chapters and I am giving her credit. Her screen name is Flame M. So there, Melissa! Sorry this took so long to get up; we got a virus on our computer and I had a friend coming in from the next state over, so there was no time for my story. I mean that in the best way. Have a nice day!  
  
Havoc at Hogwarts  
  
The normal babble that usually filled the great hall at breakfast time was interrupted as the doors burst open. Eris bounded down the aisle and plopped herself between Hermione and Neville.  
  
Gossip tore across the hall about this new girl who walked like she owned the place (Even though she practically did). People were craning their necks to get a look at the girl who captured their attention.  
  
"Hi!" Eris said cheerfully. She inwardly grimaced at her own phoniness  
  
"Uh, what're you doing here?" Ron asked, bluntly.  
  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm in Gryffindor! So, what's our first class?" They just sat there with open mouths, gaping.  
  
"Uh . . .," Neville stammered.  
  
"Hi! I'm Eris. And you are . . .?" She smiled. Inside, she was longing to inflate this butterball, attach him to a string and prod him with a stick until he popped. The idea was tempting, but she decided against it. Blowing up one of their friends was not a way to gain her target's trust.  
  
"N-Neville," came a squeak.  
  
"Transfiguration first," Hermione spared Neville of having to talk more.  
  
"Goody!" Did I just say goody? Eris thought, disgusted with herself.  
  
* * * *  
  
The first class of the day began and Eris took an empty seat in the front. Professor McGonagall strode in and began speaking.  
  
"Good morning. Please turn in your Books to Chapter twelve and take out your homework." She began.  
  
"Whas shakin', Minnie?" Eris interjected, loud enough for the whole class to hear.  
  
"What's shaking who? McGonagall snapped.  
  
"Minnie. That is your name, isn't it?" Eris asked, completely unfazed.  
  
"I shall be addressed by students as Professor McGonagall, only."  
  
"Kay!" She kept mostly to herself for the rest of class. Hermione was beginning to dislike this girl especially when she answered her question about transfiguring elements.  
  
At the end of the hour, they made their way down the grass to Hagrid's hut for Care of Magical Creatures. They prepared themselves for a WWF smack down. Eris, Malfoy and a dangerous animal? People would pay to see that.  
  
"Who is that?" Eris questioned, looking at Malfoy."  
  
"Draco Malfoy." Hermione said, disgusted.  
  
"He's hot." She concluded.  
  
"He's WHAT?" they chorused, looking at her with disbelief. Eris caught his eye and gave him a smirk that matched his own.  
  
"G'mornin! I got a real treat fer yeh today," Hagrid said excitedly, as he walked with an animal that had a woman's head and breasts with a lion's body. "A sphinx! She's got a simple riddle fer anyone who thinks they're up ta it," he looked around and Eris raised her hand.  
  
"I'll do it. I'm not afraid of a sphinx." Hermione coughed to cover something up that sounded mysteriously like "Stupid."  
  
The sphinx eyed Eris and gave a minute bow, knowing that she was actually a goddess.  
  
"What is the difference between a duck?" she asked. Hagrid chortled, knowing the answer. Eris turned to her classmates, grinned and looked back to the sphinx.  
  
"One leg is both the same," She burst out laughing as the sphinx bowed and smirked. The rest of the class was utterly confused.  
  
"I don't get it," Ron said to Harry.  
  
"Join the club."  
  
During lunch, the people who had witnessed her misbehavior in classes were telling all about it. The gossip was all over the school within a minute.  
  
"Why is everyone wasting their breath on that girl?" Hermione remarked. "She isn't anything special."  
  
"'course she is. Did you see the way she talked back to McGonagall? And that sphinx!" Ron said animatedly while chewing his steak and kidney pie. "I can't wait to see what happens in Divination! She'll throw Trelawney right on her bum!"  
  
Indeed, Eris made an impression in that lesson, too. Since she did control fate, you know.  
  
"Good afternoon, class. The Fates have informed me that your day has been fairly pleasant."  
  
"No they haven't," Eris said suddenly.  
  
"My dear," Trelawney looked slightly taken aback. "You obviously have no idea with whom you are dealing!"  
  
"Oh, don't I? I thought that the Fates had better things to do than tell an oversized dragonfly about students' days."  
  
"The fates are not to be contradicted!" Professor Trelawney's voice had begun to rise to such a shrill pitch that it was quite clear Eris was striking a nerve.  
  
"I think the fates are not to be made fun of by people who pretend to have the inner eye. That is a gift few are granted with!" Abruptly she stopped. She was starting to sound like a goddess who knew what she was talking about instead of a smart-aleck pupil.  
  
"Then make a prediction for us! Oh mighty seer!" Trelawney screeched sarcastically.  
  
"Fine. You will get sick in three days, Lavender will lose her brush on the second day you are sick, Ron will find something out about his sister he never thought he would hear," She finished. People were looking wide-eyed at her and class continued normally, but only after . . .,  
  
"Out! I will not stand for this! Out, before I send you to the headmaster!" Eris smirked at her and climbed down the stairs and out of sight.  
  
"We will be continuing crystal balls today," Professor Trelawney continued, slightly frazzled. It was silent for a moment and then whispers shattered it. A death stare was all it took to shut them up again.  
  
"Wow. Have you ever seen her kick anyone out like that? And how does Eris know what's going to happen this week?" were the things people slipped into their made up predictions so as not to annoy Trelawney anymore than she already was.  
  
About five minutes into potions, Eris ran in and loudly pulled out a chair and sat, breathing hard.  
  
"Man, how does anyone find their way around here?" she breathed, just as Snape walked in. She looked at him and decided that he needed to loosen up. And she was just the one to do the loosening. So she raised her hand in the middle of his speech about the difference between rat's liver and mouse's liver and their uses in potions.  
  
"Yes?" He asked, bored and irritated. Eris jumped out of her seat and scurried up to the front of the room.  
  
"Hi! I'm Eris and in case you couldn't already figure it out, I'm new! I enjoy nectar and my favorite pair of shoes I had to 'borrow' from a little bugger who didn't deserve to have them anyw-"  
  
"Five points from whatever house you're in and sit," Snape said, dangerously.  
  
"Gryffindor and I'm not done," She said, equally dangerous.  
  
"Ten points and sit before I make it fifty."  
  
"What crawled up your bum and died?" Eris murmured walking back to her seat.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing!" she replied sweetly.  
  
Eris was quiet after that, but the cogs in her mind were running at top speed. She was forming a plan to relax this guy. A smile appeared on her face like a light bulb had just turned on above her head.  
  
In the common room that night, after Eris had gone to bed, people were talking non-stop about the events that had taken place that day.  
  
"Can you believe her?"  
  
"I know! Those awful things she said to professor Trelawney!" Lavender and Parvati were discussing their favorite teacher.  
  
"Wasn't that wicked?"  
  
"I can't believe someone actually stood up to Snape," Seamus and Dean were conversing in low whispers because Hermione looked like she was about to go off her rocker.  
  
"Would you please stop talking about her? All she did was talk back to teachers! Anyone can do that. I can do that!" Hermione was having a hard time convincing Harry and Ron that Eris was not to be glorified. "Okay, so maybe I can't. But still!"  
  
"Can we please stop talking about random people? Hermione, what are the answers to that homework assignment Binns gave us?" asked Ron, hurriedly. Hermione let out a sigh that was halfway between relief that they were on a different topic and frustration that Ron couldn't do his own homework.  
  
A/N: So, what did you think? The next chapter is where the co-writing comes in. I came up with the general idea, but she verbalized a way for me to write it. Okay, so yeah. Stuff and stuff. I have nothing left to tell you except. . . I'M HUNGRY!!!!! Has anyone else noticed that you get really hungry when writing fan fiction? Maybe it's just me. I'm going to go eat toffee bars. Not the ones from Starbucks, even thought those are good too. The ones my sister made. They are way better. If anyone wants the recipe, I will post it at the top. They are REALLY good. Mmmmm.. I'm getting super hungry just thinking about it. Oh, and please review. I like them and they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know someone actually read my story. Toodeloo! 


	4. I can spit fire!

A/N: Hey! This is where the co-writing comes in, as I have said numerous times. Thank you to lise Carew who knows her history and made me feel inspired to get this chapter up so quickly. I dedicate this to you. muchas gracias. And since I always forget a disclaimer, it's in my profile now so don't sue me. Danka Shane!  
  
Havoc at Hogwarts  
  
In the staff room, the teachers were having a conference. None looked too pleased.  
  
"She disrespected me in my class!" said McGonagall.  
  
"She interrupted my class to jibber about nothing," Snape exclaimed.  
  
Trelawney was still in a state of shock.  
  
"I liked her," said Hagrid thoughtfully. "She can talk ter a sphinx."  
  
"That settles everything!" Snape exclaimed.  
  
"An' whas' that supposed ta mean?" Hagrid said forcefully.  
  
"Anyone you like must be a menace," He concluded.  
  
"Enough! What should we do about Eris?" asked Dumbledore calmly.  
  
"Kick her out! That's the only logical answer!" Trelawney said suddenly. "' the Fates have better things to do than' . . . oversized insect!" Trelawney burst into tears from the memory of the insult.  
  
"No. No, we must not do that. We should all try to be nice to her. She could be a danger to us," He decided.  
  
"What do you mean, Albus? A danger? What could a 16 year old girl do that would endanger us?" asked Minerva sensibly.  
  
"I cannot answer that. The only thing I can tell you to do is . . . don't let her see she's on your nerves."  
  
"But . . ." Trelawney said hopelessly.  
  
"That's that. Now hop off to dinner"  
  
* * * *  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione took their places at the Gryffindor table and helped themselves to toast and marmalade.  
  
"I hope Eris doesn't try anything funny today," Hermione grumbled.  
  
"I don't think she will. Look at her, she is being completely quiet," remarked Harry.  
  
"That can never be a good thing," Ron pointed out. "What's she saying to herself?" Harry whispered. To be sure, Eris was muttering to herself while putting cream cheese on the bagel she was holding. Out of the blue, she threw the bagel on the table with frustration and screamed,  
  
"Tail of newt, not eye of newt!" she smacked her own head and picked up the bagel.  
  
"What's she on about?" Ron asked.  
  
"The world may never know," Harry answered.  
  
In History of Magic, Eris was scribbling furiously whispering to herself. Hermione was beginning to have a good day after all. She snuck a look at Eris's paper and saw that instead of notes, she had what looked like a recipe and reminders written. Things like RAT'S liver, not MOUSE'S liver were huge and underlined until you could hardly see the words. Hermione frowned and shook her head. It wasn't her problem.  
  
Potions started out as usual and Eris looked suddenly happier.  
  
"That's a first," Ron said.  
  
"What?" asked Harry.  
  
"Someone is happy in potions," He said.  
  
Eris smiled inwardly and counted the amount of times she was supposed to stir her concoction. It was not, in fact, what was written up on the board, but a burning potion. It burns but it doesn't burn anything else. She took the spoon out of it defiantly and dipped in her hand. Quickly, before anyone saw, she whispered 'lumos' and held the flame to her fingers. They instantly inflamed and she put her hand on the desk.  
  
Harry was the first to notice that Eris was drumming her fingers on the table. He did a double take and saw that her hand was on fire!  
  
"Erm . . . Eris? I think you have a problem," he said  
  
"Do I? Hmm," She shrugged, not looking at her hand.  
  
"Professor? Eris has got a bit of a problem," Harry explained to Snape, but he wasn't listening.  
  
Finally Hermione noticed, "Eris! I think your hand is on fire!"  
  
"Well look at that."  
  
"I think you should try to put it out!" Hermione said.  
  
"Gee golly gosh! I should!" Eris said conversationally, not paying attention to the fact that half the class was now looking at her flaming hand. Something dawned on her. She looked down at her hand and let out a high pitched scream. "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! My hand is on fire! What do I do? What do I do?" She looked panicked and the students around her were taking on the same expression.  
  
Snape had finally turned around and looked fearful, "People, calm down," he was trying to say. He started casting spells in her direction to put out the fire. Nothing was working. (That could have been because Eris was moving her hand out of the way. The spells were hitting other people and the result turned out to be very amusing.)  
  
"Okay, okay I've got an idea," Eris said over the yelps of people being hit by spells. Much to her delight, more people were catching on fire. (A clever illusion and heating spell on her part) She turned her hand horizontally and blew a raspberry with her tongue that Peeves would have been proud of.  
  
Instead of putting it out, the spit went right through and erupted in an explosion of flames on the other side.  
  
"Cool! I can spit fire!" Eris said gleefully and continued 'spitting fire' while the class broke out in pandemonium.  
  
'This is turning out better than I thought,' Eris told herself. Little did she know, Hermione had figured out the illusion and was ignoring it. She took the time to experiment with Eris's potion and find out what it was.  
  
"She dipped her hand in it and lit it on fire. Why is she not burning?" suddenly it dawned on her. "The little weasel!" she said loudly. Ron shot her a look. "Sorry, Ron," She reached into her robes for her wand and found that it wasn't there. Hermione looked up and around at the scene before her.  
  
People were screaming towards the door, but unable to get out. 'Eris must have locked it. Use Alohamora!' she thought. The illusion was quite good, she had to admit. The fake fire was smoldering things in its path. The potions dungeon was up to its neck in flames. Random things that had been on the shelves and in cabinets had fallen out and were burning at an alarming rate. Hermione looked closely and saw very few of the objects had actually fallen. Another trick Eris had created. The outlines of the ingredients and such were still intact on their shelves.  
  
Eris was still making her hand roar with flames. For a moment she stopped and bent down to pick something up. It looked like a stick. No, a wand. Hermione's wand!  
  
Hermione charged through people, knocking a few into the fake flames on her way. They screamed with agony, but stopped when they realized they weren't burning. Hermione got to Eris who was cheerfully making more of a mess of things by flicking her wand about and making objects crash into people.  
  
"Eris! Stop this and give me my bloody wand!"  
  
"Hmm? I can't hear you!" Even though she obviously could.  
  
"Fine! You are just making it difficult for yourself! Give me my wand!"  
  
"And let you ruin this mess? Of course not!" Hermione picked up a stray wand that had rolled across her feet and pointed it in Eris's direction.  
  
"Expelliarmus!" She cried. Both she and Eris's wand came flying toward her as the goddess was knocked forward. The flaming illusion flickered, making Eris angry.  
  
"Why did you do that? You are no fun at all!" she whined.  
  
"Because you are a menace!" she retorted.  
  
"Prat."  
  
"Immature"  
  
"Tosser!" Eris snapped.  
  
"Well, I never . . ." Hermione said, taken aback.  
  
"That's right. And you never will," Eris said, making the flames rise higher, smoldering everything.  
  
"How can you . . . without your wand?" Hermione stammered. She shook her head and pointed a wand to the door and screamed, "Alohamora!" The door flew open. A relieved look washed over the students as they gushed through the door.  
  
Then she pointed to the flames and did a complicated charm to remove the illusion. People stopped screaming and looking terrified. Snape poked his head out from under his desk.  
  
"Sorry to burst your bubble, Eris," Hermione said.  
  
"You should be! I had to remember how to do this dumb potion all day! You ruined my hard work."  
  
"Detention," said Snape, rising from his hiding spot. "Detention for both of you."  
  
"For what?' Eris spat.  
  
"Disrupting my class. You are dismissed."  
  
* * * *  
  
"I though I made it clear to lie low," Voldemort scolded.  
  
"You can't expect me to be a good girl and do nothing!"  
  
"If you pull another stunt like that . . ." He trailed off, letting her  
think up punishments with her imagination.  
  
"You know, Tommy, I don't think this is working," Eris said viciously.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"This whole command thing. I am way more powerful than you. We both know  
that. So I should be in charge," she explained to him like a mother  
explaining that her child couldn't have the candy bar they wanted.  
Especially since the mother wanted to avoid a trip to the dentist.  
  
"No! It's my plan so it's my directions!" he whined.  
  
"Yeah, and?" she said. He paused, unable to say anything.  
  
"Right. So I do what I want, try to get what's-his-name to convert,  
yaddah yaddah yaddah," She told him.  
  
"But . . ." he started to say.  
  
"I don't think you want to finish that sentence," She said, inflicting  
pain on him with every word.  
  
"No," he gave in. Both were thinking the same thing, though.  
  
'I'm in charge. No matter what happens.'  
  
A/N: So yeah, I didn't really get reviews from anyone for the last  
chapter. I feel like no one loves me. But I guess that's because I'm a  
bighorn sheep. (Inside joke) well, whatever. Tell me, does this make  
anyone bored? I swear it gets really good. I have chapter 7 already  
written. It's the best. But the rating for that is PG-13. Sexual humor.  
But I will never get to chapter 7 if no one tells me they read my  
story!!! Yes, so please click that little button there and make me a  
happy sheep. Baa. 


	5. I Felt Like Some Popcorn

A/N: so yeah, I have nothing to say except that I had an unnatural amount of chocolate ice-cream today and don't blame me for what sugar does to the body.  
  
Havoc at Hogwarts  
  
"She got me detention! Because I was trying to keep her from carrying that illusion even further," Hermione complained during breakfast the next morning.  
  
"Yeah, that was a bit scary," said Ron cautiously. All morning Hermione had been in a bad mood and was taking it out on the rest of the world.  
  
"I've got to go. The Quidditch game is soon and Katie wants us there early. I'll see you guys later," Harry told them as he and the rest of the players walked out to the pitch.  
  
"We should probably get going, too if we want to get good seats," Hermione grumbled, obviously disconcerted that neither Harry nor Ron had cared to talk about their new favorite subject; Eris.  
  
"Oh, that's right! Fred and George are coming to the game today and wanted me to meet them outside. Come on!" Ron reminded himself while tugging Hermione out of her chair.  
  
They walked down to Hagrid's hut and looked through the windows.  
  
"S'all dark," Ron said, slightly concerned.  
  
"Thank you Mr. Obvious. He's probably getting the field ready. Is that them?" Hermione asked. Two tiny figures had come into view. They looked as though they were flying, but it wasn't on a broomstick or any animal they had ever seen before. Indeed, they quite literally hadn't.  
  
Fred and George landed gracefully on the invisible thestrals and clambered off the backs.  
  
"Why hello my lovely brother! I haven't seen you in centuries," Fred held out his hand in a mock tone for Ron to kiss. The youngest brother looked disgusted.  
  
"Look! They've set up a welcoming parade for us!" George bubbled with pretend glee. A welcoming spectacle was definitely making its way to the foursome. A big float was decorated with flowers of all sorts. Spelled out in petunias were the colossal words 'WELCOME BACK!' A gigantic Fred and George topped it and were holding tricks from their joke shop in their hands. Among them were a skiving snack box, dung bombs, and fireworks with a fire-breathing lizard on the end.  
  
"I wonder where they got that idea from," Hermione whispered.  
  
The whole display stopped and vanished as Eris jumped down from one of the shoes. She was looking particularly excited about the coming of Fred and George.  
  
"Ohmygod! It's Gred and Forge! I mean Fred and George! I am so glad to meet you at last. You two are my second and third favorite mortals!" She said excitedly.  
  
"Your second and third favorite whats?" Hermione asked with a grin creeping onto her face.  
  
"Pranksters," she said quickly. "Pranksters. I love the stuff from your store! Look, I have an idea that I think you'll enjoy," and she led them off to the Quidditch pitch.  
  
"A student after my own heart," one of them said, putting his hand on his heart and sighing.  
  
"I didn't get to say anything, did I?" Ron asked. Hermione shook her head, the smile growing all the time. "Well, we better get going. The game is going to start soon."  
  
"No, you go on. I have to check something in the library."  
  
"You won't be long will you? This is a match against Slytherin! You can't miss it!" said Ron, concerned.  
  
"I'll see you later!" Hermione called over her shoulder as she ran to the door.  
  
"Everyone is running away from me today. Do I smell?" Ron lifted his arms and sniffed. He shrugged as he walked to the pitch.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Eris and the Twins recruited some Slytherins to help them with the joke. Three people from each house were cheering on their teams from right outside the locker room door. They were also holding trays with some kind of power snack ready to serve.  
  
"So, Eris. How did you get those Slytherins to help us?" Fred asked, about to take a bite of the bar.  
  
"Yeah, they seemed eager or something," George said as, he too, raised a bar to his mouth.  
  
"No-o. That's not for you. I had a bit of a mishap in potions. I think they're afraid of me. It's great fun, actually," she explained. "They're coming!"  
  
The door opened and the Gryffindor Quidditch team strode out, reluctant to take anything from the three who were offering.  
  
"Come on! It'll boost your energy on the field!" Fred convinced the chasers.  
  
"Take one or I'll burn the lot," Eris said quietly. No one hesitated to take one after she said that. Fred and George had finally got an idea of what she did in Snape's class.  
  
"Has everyone got one? Good! Now go get 'em!" George was looking particularly sarcastic.  
  
"Right, now up to the stands. I see Ron. Hey Ron!" Eris waved, trying to get his attention. They scooted through people with occasional 'pardon me.' 'Excuse me.' 'I have matches up my sleeve.' They took some seats vacated by jittery first years and watched the game intently. Hermione hadn't gotten to the game, yet. All the better for Eris.  
  
"This one is going to be interesting, I can tell," Fred said. "Are we ready? Go!" Synchronized, they whispered a spell aimed strait at the players.  
  
"What was that?" Ron asked suspiciously.  
  
"Ron, I love you, honey. But sometimes there are things you just don't need to know. Okay?" Eris said to him sweetly and kissed him on the cheek. "Just watch the game."  
  
No sooner that after that was said, the chasers let out a huge hiccup that raised them off their seats for a moment. Next went the beaters, finally the keepers. Only the seekers had been unaffected by the spell.  
  
"Ready to activate the final phase? Go!" They all pointed at the seekers and chartreuse light shot out at them. As soon as the seekers hiccupped once, both teams started to hiccup madly. A Slytherin chaser hiccupped so loudly and forcefully, he fell off his broom. Slowly the fourteen players began to fall off their brooms with great hiccups, resembling human popcorn. But the human popcorn seemed to be contagious, since the stands were begging to hiccup, too. Finally, everyone except the teachers were popping madly and the pitch had begun to resemble the inside of a pot when one is making popcorn.  
  
A magically magnified voice suddenly filled the air.  
  
"Eris! Fred! George! Since you are the only people not popping, you will help stop it!" McGonagall sounded angry.  
  
"Right-oh!" Eris said. She led the twins down to the field among people who were trying desperately to follow but having no luck. No one could walk more that a few paces while popping up and about. The three started to give little pills to the players to help them. Only this time, M&Ms, skittles, gummy bears and that sort of thing flew out of their mouths. The stands were still popping.  
  
McGonagall turned to see Flitwick giggling at the way students were resembling a movie theater concession stand. He immediately magnified his voice and yelled "Finito!" The popping stopped, people quit spouting snacks and they all turned to see Fred, George, and Eris sitting in the middle of the grass on lawn chairs, thoroughly enjoying the scene before them.  
  
Flitwick, still magnified asked, "What is the meaning of this?"  
  
"Eris stood, smiled and said simply,"I felt like some popcorn." Goodness knows she got detention for a week. People stared at her in a combination of dislike and disbelief.  
  
"Wouldn't want to be you tonight," whispered Fred.  
  
* * * *  
  
At dinner that night, Eris had a special treat in store for the school.  
She didn't want to make enemies before her job was done.  
  
When the meal was almost over, she called a charm into the air with her  
wand pointed at the ceiling. A few minutes later, it began raining  
popcorn.  
  
"Movie night!" Eris said with a smile. She looked over at Hermione who  
was glowering but couldn't think of a reason to stop the movie since it  
was a Saturday night. "Sorry about the whole fiasco this morning. I was  
just getting us all ready for a flick," she said. Eris transfigured  
Snape's chair into a film projector making him fall hard on the floor. A  
few stifled giggles reached his ears, and not only from students.  
  
"I wonder what picture it is," whispered Lavender as Eris slid the staff  
table cloth under the dishes and stretched it across the back wall with  
her wand.  
  
"I'll bet it's going to be something really dumb," Pansy Parkinson was  
whispering to Malfoy as Eris transfigured the house tables into comfy  
armchairs in its house colors.  
  
"It's probably going to be a chick flick," Malfoy grumbled but climbed  
into a chair like the rest of the school anyway. The lights dimmed and  
the film started rolling.  
  
The movie turned out to be an old Audrey Hepburn one called 'My Fair  
Lady.' People were cringing at Eliza Doolittle's atrocious accent. A few  
who had seen the movie before were singing along. Malfoy had pretended to  
fall asleep, but his friends could see his eyes open just enough to  
watch. The Girls in the audience bristled with jealousy when Eliza was at  
the ball and looking like a queen. Ron got a little over-angry when  
''Enry 'Iggins' gloated about turning Eliza from a sow's ear into a silk  
purse. But at the end, when they fell in love, he started sobbing into  
Hermione's shoulder.  
  
As people were walking out the door when the movie ended, they said nice  
things to Eris and said it was okay that she completely ruined the  
Quidditch game. The movie made up for it.  
  
"Can we do that again next week? Not the snack part, but the Saturday  
night movie?" A few people asked her.  
  
"I'll take it up with Dumbledore," she replied. The only person who was  
not even slightly pleased was Hermione. She was still scowling at Eris  
for causing so much raucous.  
  
"Hey, Hermione. Why weren't you at the game this morning?" Ron asked.  
  
"I was in the library. Looking something very important up," she replied  
angrily.  
  
"You would rather be in the Library doing homework than cheering on your  
friend?" Harry asked, a bit hurt.  
  
"I wasn't doing homework. I was trying to find out where I had seen Eris  
before and I thought I had a lead!" Hermione said.  
  
"Will you just cut it out with her, Hermione?" Harry said.  
  
"I know! It's like you've got it in for her. She hasn't done anything,"  
Ron told her. Hermione gave them a look that prompted them to shut up.  
  
"Alright, she has. But not to you personally!" Ron tried to explain. He  
soon found out that arguing with an annoyed and stubborn Hermione was  
like trying to have an intelligent conversation with a sack of turnips.  
  
* * * *  
  
Hermione woke Eris at around noon on Sunday.  
  
"Where's the cannon?" She asked groggily.  
  
"We have detention in ten minutes," Hermione explained with a note of bitterness in her voice.  
  
Suddenly, Eris shot out of bed, threw on the robe she had left on the floor from last night and dashed out of the dormitory before Hermione could say another word.  
  
In the dungeon where their detention was taking place, Snape set up a work area and explained to them what they had to do.  
  
"Since neither of you were able to finish the assignment, you will be re- doing it now. If I find that your potion sample is un-fit, you will do lines until I say so. Begin!" He squawked and strode to his desk where he began writing furiously.  
  
An hour and a half later, the two girls had almost finished their potions and were letting them simmer.  
  
While Eris wasn't looking, Hermione scooped the rest of the ingredients into her now useless potion. But, at the same time, Eris turned the heat off completely under Hermione's potion and put a cooling charm on it. Both potions were ruined.  
  
Unknowing of the other's actions, the girls took a vile each to the potions master. When he sipped Eris's, he coughed and sputtered it out before it could have an effect on him.  
  
"What do you think you are doing? You almost poisoned me! Do you not know how to read? The directions clearly state to use only a third of the ingredients I gave you!" Hermione looked triumphant at his words. She handed him her vile smugly. At the first taste, Snape began to shrink and blossom. He sprouted thorns and was looking red in the face.  
  
"Good job, genius. You turned him into a rose!" Eris taunted Hermione.  
  
"Well. . . "Hermione could think of nothing to say. "The only thing that would have made it do that is if I turned down the. . . "She halted, looking at Eris with a conclusive look. "You!"  
  
"Well, you ruined mine, too! I'm not dumb enough to poison Snape," Eris spat.  
  
"Are you calling me dumb?" Hermione said, slightly taken aback.  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"I have the highest GPA in the entire school!"  
  
"Your grades have nothing to do with it. You have no common sense!" Eris retorted.  
  
"Look who's talking Mrs. Set-everything-on-fire-in-the-middle-of-an- important-lesson!" Hermione scoffed.  
  
"Just because I have way more fun than you'll ever have that's no reason to . . . ooooh! I get it. You're jealous."  
  
"Of what? The ability to strike up chaos wherever I go?" Hermione demanded.  
  
"Really? Do you honestly think that?" Eris put her hand on her heart. "That is just about the biggest complement anyone has ever given me!"  
  
"I didn't give it to you. You well earned the title Discord Queen!"  
  
"Discord Queen. Hmmm. . . . I like it!" Eris said. Neither had noticed but Snape had lost his petals and was growing back to normal size.  
  
"If I can interrupt your precious squabbling, you have both received bottom marks and will do lines until I say so!" Snape said haughtily, obviously taking offense at the flower he was turned into.  
  
*I will not disrupt class. I will not disrupt class.* was written over and over again. Hermione risked a sideways glance at Eris and muttered a spell she had learned last year when Harry had done lines for Umbridge. Immediately, Eris's quill morphed smoothly into the same quill Umbridge used to etch words into one's hand. The words were definitely scratched into Eris's hand, but they healed over without a trace or a drop of blood. That continued to happen until Snape coughed and took her back to the lines she was supposed to be writing.  
  
"Why isn't she bleeding? It looks like nothing has even happened to her hand!" Hermione thought.  
  
Meanwhile, Eris was mentally thinking of a way to make Hermione miserable. Suddenly she hit upon it. It was like a light bulb had lit over her head.  
  
"Perfect," She whispered.  
  
By the time Snape said they could go, Eris turned one of Hermione's parchments into a note that Hermione had written to herself. (Hermione seemed to always be writing something, why not a rant to herself?) It was a note completely insulting Harry and Ron.  
  
They headed up to the common room, each thinking about something different.  
  
"Her hand isn't even red. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't notice her quill was different." Hermione was thinking.  
  
"Insult their intelligence. Complain that they never talk about anything interesting. Talk about how poor Ron is and how Harry is probably insane. That should do it," Eris thought while the words were writing themselves on a parchment in Hermione's bag. "Now all I have to do is make sure they find it."  
  
A/N: Hey! I decided to put a Movie night every Saturday. Don't worry; it's not a useless thing I put in because I was bored. It actually has a point. Well, not really. But all of you Rocky Horror Picture Show fans will enjoy the next chapter. Thank you to the people who reviewed. I love you people. Now start a trend and click that little button with the mouse! It's not a hard thing to do. Come on, you know you want to. . . 


	6. Pillow Fluff and Nasty Letters

A/N: Hey look! It has been almost half a year since I started this story. I have had like no time at all to do anything except school work. But I have a four and a half day weekend because exams are officially over! *CELEBRATION!!* Yes, and I have had some major writer's block. But not anymore. So enjoy the next chapter of HAVOC AT HOGWARTS!  
  
Havoc at Hogwarts  
  
Hermione and Eris walked along in silence until they came to the staircases. There, they parted ways. Hermione went to the library to finish her homework, and Eris to the Great hall for some late lunch.  
  
When she arrived, there were a few people lazing about, doing homework or gossiping.  
  
"I cannot for the life of me find my brush," Lavendar complained to Parvati. "Oh!"  
  
The reason for this was that Professor Trelawney had just walked in and was sniffling loudly. She quietly asked 'Professor Dubbledore if he could blease fetch her a cub of soub' since she was sick.  
  
Parvati and Lavendar looked around at Eris with identical astonished looks on their faces. They clearly had remembered her predictions from a few days before.  
  
Ron, apparently, had fallen asleep during lunch and woke with a start when Eris loudly plunked next to him.  
  
"I didn't do it!" he said groggily. "Oh," he realized that there was nothing he could have done. "Hey, Eris," he said, stretching up to the nonexistent ceiling. "Have you seen Ginny? Mum sent us a letter this morning."  
  
"I think I saw her a few minutes ago just outside here."  
  
"Ok, thanks," he replied as he slumped to the doors. A minute after the doors had closed, a high pitched, semi-girly scream echoed through everyone's ears.  
  
"THOMAS! What do you think you are doing with MY sister?!" Eris immediately jumped off the bench and dashed toward the scene.  
  
"Ron, please calm down," Ginny tried to say to her brother.  
  
"No! I will not calm down! I have been rudely awoken and decide to find my nice, innocent little sister for a chat. Well she's not so innocent anymore! I see you stumbling out of the caretaker's closet with DEAN THOMAS!"  
  
"Ron, stop embarrassing yourself." He was quickly turning a shade of fuchsia and then bright tomato at this comment.  
  
"I'm not the one to be embarrassed! I just came out here and see one of my roommates having a snog with my little sister!" with that, he stalked off toward the Gryffindor Tower.  
  
"Well that was a lovely little scene," Ginny stated as she turned into the great hall. "Well, what are you lot staring at? Get back to whatever you were doing!"  
  
* * * *  
  
Back in the dormitory, Ron was going on a 'violent' rampage. By violent, he was throwing pillows and stuffed animals and blankets around the room. He plunked himself down amid a mess of flying feathers and random bits of fluff when Harry and Hermione walked in.  
  
"That's a nice fine mess you have made over a silly little thing. Why do you always have to overreact?" Hermione said, scolding.  
  
"I do not overreact!" Ron said angrily as he spat at a feather that landed on the bridge of his nose.  
  
Hermione sighed and set her bag down. She pulled out her wand and said a charm to make the stuffing go back into the bears; the pillows restore their feathers, and blankets to fold themselves neatly.  
  
"Alright, I admit I did get a little too angry," Ron confessed, surveying to room. Then his eyes landed on Hermione. "You do know that you're not allowed to be in here."  
  
"Oh you are very welcome, Ron." And she stalked out.  
  
"Well, excuse me for living," Ron muttered. "Great, she left her book bag in here."  
  
"Look, there's a bit of parchment sticking out," Harry said, pointing to it. "It says my name on it." He looked around and tugged on the corner. It easily slid out of the pocket and unfolded itself neatly.  
  
"Harry, we really shouldn't be looking through Hermione's stuff," Ron said, but looked over his shoulder anyway. A gasp escaped him at the words on the paper.  
  
Goodness! Why can't my friends ever do anything for themselves? It's all about Hermione giving them the answers. Hermione, what's the answer to the history homework? How do you do this? How do you do that? Oh, I don't feel like doing it on time so will you please do it for me? Why can't they just do it themselves? OH, because they are too stupid to figure out for themselves that if you just listen in class you might actually learn something! Although I don't know how anyone would be able to if they can't even afford to get proper books a quills and parchment. Mr. Weasly needs to step it up and get himself a real job! Or maybe he wouldn't have to if he and that wife of his would ever stop popping out babies. They take in every stray cat that wanders across the yard. Even Harry! They knew he was probably insane and yet they take him in. He is not their son and needs to learn that he can't just keep leeching off others!  
  
There was more, but neither wanted to read it. They sat in silence until Hermione came bustling into the room.  
  
"Sorry, I think I left my bag in here. You two look like you just saw a ghost. That doesn't work, does it?" Neither said a word. They just sat there, with expressions of confusion mixed with extreme hurt on their faces.  
  
Hermione took the parchment gingerly out of their hands and reached for her bag. She read the letter that she didn't write as she walked down the staircase to the common room, a frown deepening after each sentence.  
  
Eris sauntered past Hermione as she made her way to the boy's dormitories. She gave her an evil grin and opened the door to the room where Harry and Ron sat motionless.  
  
"Hey, you guys. What's wrong?"  
  
"We have just been insulted by our best friend," Harry said, incredulous.  
  
"I don't believe it," Ron told them and walked slowly to the door and down the staircase.  
  
"I know Harry, its okay," Eris said, weaving hypnosis into her voice.  
  
"You, you know what it said?" Harry asked in a semi-monotone expression.  
  
"Yes, and I think that she needs to pay for her insults. She obviously thinks less of you than you thought. You need to make her feel pain for it."  
  
"Pain? But it wasn't that bad. . . "Harry tried to fight the hypnosis.  
  
"Yes. Yes it was," Eris enforced her tone, and then made it gentler. "She's too smart for you. She said it herself. The only way to defeat her is with power that she doesn't know."  
  
Harry was giving in. "And what might that be?"  
  
"The Dark Side. You must join the Dark Side and you can defeat her. She and anyone else who has ever doubted or ridiculed you." Eris's eyes turned a violent shade of Cherry and realized she was winning. "Join Lord Voldemort and you shall forevermore be on the top and never have to worry about Hermione again."  
  
The name stirred something inside Harry. She hadn't actually said Hermione's name in a while. He looked up at her eyes and saw the red, immediately becoming frightened.  
  
Eris saw him unaffected by her hypnosis and realized she had failed. She tore her eyes away from the face of Harry Potter and wiped his memory of the incident.  
  
* * * *  
  
"I thought you said that Hypnosis was a specialty of yours!" Voldemort had jut been informed of Eris's progress, or lack- thereof.  
  
"I tried. But he has like a wall, or something and he wasn't fully surrendering. Nothing could get through that thick skull," Eris complained.  
  
"All right, but you try it again."  
  
Eris began tossing a golden apple up and down. Voldemort's eyes followed it, flinching each time she almost dropped it. "Don't worry, honey. I got it all under control."  
  
A/N: so, how was that? I hope it sort of made up for the space in between. I really would enjoy it if I got a review or two, but if you decide that you don't feel like it, that's okay. Just write one eventually. I like to know how I am doing. Have a nice day! 


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